My Perception on Blessings

Just the other day we discovered a glitch in the system of receiving my husband’s paycheck. Actually the glitch has been going on for some time now. He broke his foot 4 months ago. Ever since then we have been on work man’s comp. When on work man’s comp you do not get paid what you normally would if you are working full time and you never quite know when the check might arrive. We were not sure how things were going to work out. I am here to tell you though that there are blessings in all things. If I did not share this truth I would be remiss and ungrateful! You might look at it and say how can breaking a foot be a blessing? While, I do not wish the pain on my husband, or anyone else for that matter. There are many, many blessings that have been wrapped up in pretty packages during this time and many others and, given to us! First because of this we were able to go to our High School reunion and stay with family and friends for much longer than had been planned. We were also able to spend that time with 3 of our 4 children and have a very fun filled time together. I have also been blessed to be able to spend all kinds of quality time with my husband. We were also able to go to Tennessee only a month ago when my husband's father was taken to the hospital. Our time there would have been very limited had he not broken his foot.  Through this time of having a smaller income, we have had everything that we need and more. You see I get to sit down and write this, reflect back and take notice of all the wonderful blessings we have received through this time. I had a set back and found myself going back to an old way of thinking for a little bit the other day. We had been waiting patiently for my husband’s work man’s comp check to arrive or at least find out when it might arrive. It was to be here last week around the time of normal payday. Thursday came and went and then Friday, no check and no signs of one. I sent some emails and made some calls to my husband’s payroll office to see if all the information was sent, it had not. Call it lack of communication or crossed lines or what have you. I am very grateful by the way, for the sweet woman at the office; she listened and made some phone calls on our behalf. After getting off the phone with her, I started to cry, and I started wondering how the bills would get paid and how we would survive until next week when the check is to arrive. Then I started to remember and reflect on all the blessings that we had already received and are still receiving. I know that everything will be okay, we will have what we need and, that GOD is the one who provides us with everything!! He is the one in control and I just get to remember that!! He showers us with his LOVE and Light every day, and every day I get to see and feel reminders of it!  There may not be big $ in the account right at this very moment but,  we are truly blessed, we have a roof over our heads, clothes to wear, food to eat, families LOVE and support and dear friends. I have the beauty and sounds of nature to enjoy on a daily basis! For all of these things I, we are truly blessed. I am also so blessed to know GOD does not put conditions on his blessings; he blesses us all the time, I, we just get to open our eyes a little wider and take notice of them all.  This is my healing, my story, and, just one Woman’s perception.

Katrina Singer- Hill October 1, 2010

My Perception on Life!

What if I told you that there are things you believe to be true about this world and they are not? One evening in my young life changed my world forever. Things and people in my life have never been the same. I had a dream once that I was not from this world. Who I truly am, is not who I thought I was at all. In this dream I was a princess from a different world. I came here to learn and teach what true unconditional love is. Loving people for who they truly are and not for whom we think they are or even who they think they are. In my dream I was helping others to get home. You see you are not from here either, you are very special. Only you don’t yet remember who you are much like I didn’t, and I am still learning. A part of the plan is to come here and learn without remembering who you really are. Wandering around in a state of amnesia, trying to navigate your way through life’s lessons, and games. Then through numerous different ways, sometimes when you feel like you are lost and going in circles. Questioning the very reason you are here. Feeling as though you are cracked, light starts to seep through those cracks and this light is filled with the deepest love a love like you have never experienced before in this life. This in turn brings with it remembrance. Reminding you little bit by little bit of who you really are, and what your purpose is for being here. When this begins to happen your world as you knew it begins to change. You start to see and feel things how they really are.  You no longer feel dead and empty inside. When you look at the sky, you no longer see just the sky. Looking at another person you start to see the real them and the light that is emanating from their very being. They are not the person you judged them to be, they are so much more. Peering in the mirror you no longer see that same reflection that you have become so used to seeing you see your own light that was once hidden from you.  Many times I have looked at my own hands, and felt so much energy flowing through them, seen the light and colors around them ,and coming from them. I see the energy particles swirling in the sky on walls and in the air. Did you know that there are also lights around birds and animals this includes insects, they are so beautiful! This world is not dark and hard and painful, the way most believe. Quite the opposite this a beautiful alive ,light filled, joyful world just waiting for us to open our true eyes, ears, and hearts and live in Joy, peace, love, and equality. We all have a choice to live in our own self created darkness and hell, or to live in light, peace, a Heaven on Earth.

My perception on relationships!

I was in the bedroom with my husband the other day and 1 of our 3 cats was stretched out on our bed. Her sister cat came in and lovingly started to groom her. When the cat being groomed tired of it, she playfully pushed her sister away. She was very gentle with her but, forceful enough to get her to stop. While lurking in the other room is our older cat she has not really taken to the new cats. She waits for them to pounce on them or growl at them. My husband and I then moved into our dining room and observed this behavior. While watching the cats my thoughts turned to human relationships. I have recognized that in my family and some others, that I have witnessed, either people are kinder to their own family members than to a stranger or just the opposite, kinder to a stranger than their own family members. Don't get me wrong there are those who are kind to everyone. When this happens it is a beautiful thing! Then I get to take a good look in the mirror and ask myself am I kind to everyone? Am I looking at every person I see through God's eyes? Do I LOVE all people for who they truly are and not who I or we think they are? I would like to think that I have an unconditional LOVE for all mankind. The question is though, do I really and truly? Do I treat all people equally? I know in the past I did not, but I am going forward and working through that. We are all one and, in God's eyes we are all equal! It does not matter what color our skin is, what or religious preference is, or where we live in this world. He loves us unconditionally, so therefore my hope, my goal, is to not only LOVE but, to see all others through God's eyes! We are not who we think we are, for we are spirit beings having a physical experience and, our ways are not God's ways. Every day I desire to hear more, see more, and feel more the way God does! This is my healing, my story and, Just one woman's perception!

My relationship with food!

As a little girl growing up, I never worried about or thought about what I ate. I was never concerned with stepping on a scale, counting calories or really thinking about what I was going to put into my body, what I was fueling or energizing my body with. I ate what mom or dad fixed without a thought. Slumber parties meant candy, soda, and chips! Going to the movies required soda, popcorn and candy! I see looking back that food for me was fun! Not really something to think about or worry about. Then I started having children when I was 18. No, I am not going to blame my later food issues on my kids..lol! I take full responsibility for what I did to my body! The weight that I gained with each one always came back off. By the time I reached the age of 30 my weight started to increase and not come off. I could point the finger of blame at stress. Had I let myself get stressed out? Yes, I did in fact let myself get stressed out. Now at the time I did not realize what I was doing to myself, to my body. I would grab something just so I could say that I ate and my body would not make noises. I felt nauseous, low energy and sick all the time. My weight started to increase and I went on a downward spiral of half starving myself and diet pills. I was stuck in a vicious cycle and my weight was not decreasing it was only increasing. Then we moved out to Missouri after our business venture fizzled out after two years. We lost our house and our 2 vehicles. We were able to get to Missouri in 1 and then shortly after we got here, it was repossessed. My husband went back to school to finish his nursing degree and we had very little income. My weight then started to increase. For me I was at an all time high in pounds and an all time low in the way I felt. I was unhappy, felt awful about myself and had no energy. I would then beat myself up in my mind but, I was stuck in a cycle. I realize now that most of my thoughts were centered on food and lack. If we went to the movies, I could not just sit there and watch a movie, I had to have popcorn, soda, candy. If I was bored I had to run out and get a shake or ice cream, maybe a soda or cheese sticks. Sitting at home, I had to eat while watching TV or a movie. I discovered that my thoughts were on planning the next meal or snack. I realized that the brownies were disappearing the next day because I was eating them while the kids were at school and my husband was at work. I did this to myself though, to my body, I take accountability. Nobody put a gun to my head and said you will eat half a dozen brownies during the course of the day. While doing this I had tricked myself into thinking that I was eating healthier. I had lost a little weight while my Husband was in Kosovo back in 2008-2009 because I started walking and going to the Y here and there. What I really discovered was that I was also not eating junk food at night with my husband anymore, while watching TV or a movie. That did not last though. He returned home and I returned to my same unhealthy habits. Then, about 5 months ago after going through a lot of changes I started craving honey. Strange craving right, and no I was not pregnant, Lol! Looking back I can see that it was my body’s way of telling me some changes were due! Shortly after that I did decide to make some changes. I had looked into all kinds of diets taken pills, done the starvation thing. Then I remembered a diet I had looked into a while back, and my brother-in-law and his wife had success with it so I figured I could do it also. In May of this year I decided to go on the HCG diet. Now before I tell you my story I want to say this. I am not advertising HCG; I do not recommend it for everyone. I am not even recommending anyone try it. I am just sharing my story with you. What I can tell you about it is this started my healing process with food. In May, the same week as my oldest son's graduation, I decided it was time for a change. Lol, great week to decide to make big changes in my life! I had sent a text message to my brother-in-law asking him about the diet and how it had worked out for him and his wife. I had done my own research and was pretty convinced that this was the way for me to go and that I could accomplish it, no problem. He told me he would send me a bottle. I was so excited! I was so excited that I could not wait! I went ahead and ordered myself a bottle I could not wait for his to get here, lol. Along with my mom and two of my sisters I started the diet on the Saturday before the week of Graduation. I found out later that my Brother-in-law had not sent the HCG yet because he knew it would be too hard to stick with while everyone was here and with everything going on. Once I got the idea into my head though I was gung ho! I was not waiting for anyone, lol. So I started the diet. The first 2 days we were told to binge, eat anything and everything until you were miserable! I thought well that might be fun, I get to allow myself to eat whatever I want and as much as I want, woo hoo, right? Nope, by the second evening I felt so sick! I could taste chocolate throw up in my mouth, NASTY! I had asked my daughter that last day of the binging to make our favorite, brownies. She forgot but I had my fill of all things junk by the end of the night! The next day I was in it for the 21 days, or so I thought, lol. My daughter came home from school, my very first day off of all refined sugar and limited calories, only to make WHAT? You guessed it my favorite brownies!! No big deal, right, I could do this! Wrong, the very smell of them was intoxicating, they were calling my name. I felt like I was going insane, lol! I called one of my sisters and said help!! I can't do this; all I can think of is those warm, chewy brownies. I am not going to be able to follow through with this new way of eating. All I could think about was those brownies staring at me from the top of the stove, teasing me with their aroma. Then all I could think about was what I was not going to be able to eat. 21 days of this, I could not make 1 day! Somehow I was able to get through that day. I just decided that this was something I really desired and something I was going to stick with. As the days went on it got easier and then I released/lost the first 7 pounds. Oh that is another thing! I had to weigh myself everyday! I had not stepped on nor had a scale in my home for years! I had told myself that they were unhealthy and that I would become weight obsessed. The truth was I was terrified of them, afraid of the truth of what I had allowed myself to do. That first 7 pounds was motivation enough to keep going. That is until my Husband's family started arriving for my son's graduation. Do I blame them? No it was my choice, so within 3 days I had gained back the 7 pounds I had worked so hard to lose. I did not go hog wild and I kept taking the drops but, I was back to old eating habits. I had convinced myself that I could not possibly do it with everyone and everything going on. I did not know if I could follow through. The next week everyone left and I was determined to get back to the new way of eating. Two days after everyone left I had released the 7 pounds again! That was motivation enough for me I was sticking with this. This new way of eating I was going to follow through, come hell or high-water! I reached my goal of 21 days but I decided that I was going to go for 40 instead because I had cheated for 4 or 5 days. The 40 days were up and I went on the maintenance while we were on our trip to AZ. Our last day there was my last day of maintenance. I weighed in when I got home and total weight loss with 40 days on HCG and then the maintenance; I had released a total of 24 pounds. For me this was huge but, I had not reached my goal. I contemplated on doing another round 6 months from that date. I have decided not to though. Through my change of eating habits and thinking habits, which the thinking itself is a huge part I have found. I have now released as of today 37 pounds. I have more energy and most importantly I feel better, and I don't think of and obsess over food anymore. I keep refined sugars at a low and I pay attention to labels. There are a lot of chemicals in our food that are unhealthy for us. Do I ever have sugar anymore? The answer to that question is yes, once in a while I do but, I weigh it out first and decide if it is worth it or not. I know, and now recognize what sugar and chemicals do to my body and how they make me feel. The great thing is I am free to choose if I want something or not, because the cravings are no longer there and the constant thought of sweets is not there anymore either! For this I am truly grateful. This is my story, my healing. Just one Woman's perspective on her relationship with food!

Katrina-Singer-Hill September 16, 2010 *~<3~*